Focus on the Goal

I am mom to three girls. A women's health writer. A wife. BFF. An infertility consultant and advocate. I am passionate, funny, happy, creative and a pretty tough cookie.

I am also a recovering bulimic. Not typical – but not so atypical, either. Bulimia has lots of different faces across both genders, all ethnic groups and ages. The typical person with bulimia is a white female around 19, has a normal or slightly above-normal weight, and is often rebellious and depressed. That wasn't me at 19, but at 30. It's easier to hide than anorexia, with most people in my life not knowing.

Until I had the stroke.
And was hospitalized.
From throwing up one too many times.
Because sometimes, bulimia can be fatal.

The statistics on eating disorders are harsh. Without successful treatment, one in 300 bulimic cases will have a fatal outcome. Even with treatment, one third suffer early relapse and half do not consider themselves cured at 5 years after psychological therapy.

I consider myself in recovery – not yet cured. A four year battle, with five months of abstinence. I keep a photo of my girls in the bathroom now. Three blonde, blue-eyed angels. In case I waver, I have to look them in the eyes and say "Fuck you" to each one of them first. The price of relapse is just too high.