The Entity of An Eating Disorder
It truly feels like there are two of you. One of you pretends each day to be "normal", going to work, taking care of a house and perhaps children, basically going through the motions of everyday life. The other "one" lives in constant fear..of rejection....of not fitting in...of being criticized for not being perfect...of being alone. One of you wears a mask, which changes appearance depending on each situation you are in, the people you are with, and what the expectations of you may be. The other cries silently, is confused about how to be free, and is terrified of being "found out". One of you in obsessed with being perfect, finally being "thin enough", and strives for every accomplishment in order to prove your worth. The other is literally starving...physically and emotionally. Your feet feel stuck in concrete, any change in routine causes fear and anxiety beyond control. One of you desperately wants to change. The other one fights change with every ounce of strength you have. An eating disorder is a monster...a self-made, yet unintentional, prison....a place of safety, because it's "known". Thoughts of change are horrifying...change is uncertain....who will I be without my eating disorder? In order to recover from an eating disorder, you must have professional guidance, a support network, and be willing to risk walking into your fears in order to walk "through" them. Recovering from an eating disorder will strengthen and empower you, and you will find that your mental health is much stronger than others who don't develop eating disorders. This is not to say that it's best to develop an eating disorder, but only to emphasize that recovery brings much greater rewards than just being free from eating issues. No one can know unless they have experienced it. NOTICE...CHOOSE....ACT!!!