When you live with an eating disorder, you block knowledge and self awareness you don’t know you have. When you think you are not explaining yourself well what is happening is that you can’t articulate some kind of knowing. Your conscious mind doesn’t have access to your unconscious mind.
Just keep writing. By all means keep writing. Conscious material is what you know about. Unconscious material is….unconscious. It’s in you and quite real, but you don’t know about it. You can’t think it up or recognize it with your conscious mind.
When you stop restricting, working out, weighing yourself, something happens to you that pushes you to start your eating disorder routines again. If you don’t start again you will feel something…probably anxiety or frustration or anger or all three. Those feelings are coming from what’s unconscious.
If you don’t read Joanna Poppink at www.stopeatingdisorders.com. Sheis a voice of reason in a crazy situation.