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Failures and Successes

I failed. Again.

After months of success, months of recovery, it didn't take much. A few words. Well-intentioned, even. But enough. Enough to make me question and doubt my abilities and motives.

And yet.

It wasn't a complete loss. A complete loss would have meant continuing down that path. To say – "Fuck it – I've already screwed up, it doesn't matter now what I do next."

Except it does. Failures don't mean anything except fallibility. An acknowlegment of imperfection, which isn't easy for those of us living with and recovering from an eating disorder.

It was simply a misstep. Everybody falters when recovering from an eating disorder. Anyone who tells you it is easy in three simple steps is a liar.

What you do with the failure matters. Do you give in and give up or do you stop and evaluate what happened and why. What was I afraid of and more importantly, what can I learn from this so I can handle it differently next time?

On the journey,