I'm not even sure where I am going with this, but I feel so thankful at this moment for the amazing life that recovery has given me! I always thought throughout my years of illness with anorexia nervosa that I would die young...and I kind of wanted that. The life I knew was so painful and I felt so hopeless that I didn't want to even have to live another day. I realize now that I was living a slow suicide. It's the most amazing thing I've ever experienced to wake up in the morning and not be afraid....to actually be excited about what my day could bring...to not be worried about what I am going to eat or not eat, trusting myself to make healthy decisions. I never thought my mind would be more dominated by thoughts of meaningful things, friends that I want to spend time with, and interesting ways that I can express my love for the people around me, than continuous thoughts of food, weight and eating. I have begun to realize my own personal power. I know that I am the one in control of my decisions and what I do with my life. I have accepted that many things in this life are uncertain, and very unfair, and I don't like that!! But, I can't change that, and I can't change those facts by worrying or starving myself. I am much better at being aware of what IS in my control, and embracing that in a healthy way. We each have this power within us, and I believe that with support and taking some risks to put down your fears, you will realize and begin to be able to put your personal power to use!!
http://freefromexpectations.blogspot.com/
