Damn.
Again?
I thought I had it nailed. It had been over a year since I relapsed. I would have bet money on the fact that I had the eating disorder beat. Sometimes that overconfidence can be dangerous.
I hate listening to addicts say, “I just decided one day to quit X, and that was it. I never smoked/purged/whatever again.” I rarely believe them. Maybe it’s just jealousy, but I’ve seen a lot of addicts in my life, and I’ve yet to meet anyone who truly gave up their addiction quite so easily.
Eating disorders are no exception. When the going gets rough, it’s easy to fall back into unhealthy patterns to avoid dealing with the real problems. Ack – who wants to feel anything? Avoid it all costs. Except it’s not a great long term solution.
But you know what? The world didn’t end. One relapse didn’t mean all hope was lost. Back to a 12 step meeting and back on the wagon. And I’m reminded of AA’s call to watch out for HALT – and not letting myself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired because then my relapse risk increases.
A relapse doesn’t have to be the end of the road – just a bump on the journey to health.
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When they say one day they
When they say one day they just quit, they're lying. It is a munipulative way to get attention. I just saw a comedian talking about this... Think about it, most times addicts are using for example alcohol, and they get so wasted they have a 3 some... then they wake up and say "Geez I had sex with 2 women last night, I have a problem, I'm never drinking again!"
Its a crock, don't believe it.
I work in the addictions field and I will tell you the mistake I see most, is people thinking they have control over their illness and think THEY control IT. WE DON'T! WE will never be able to control IT, WE can only control US!
Also, its not helpful to call your episode a "relapse". You had a slip, and slips (although not ok) happen. A slip is a single episode after a period of abstinence, a relapse is a return to old behaviors after a period of abstinence.
Be safe and well. Don't beat yourself up. Get ahold of me if you need to. Info on my profile.