86 A Prayer for Willingness
I'm really struggling with the eating disorder. I had eight days of following my meal plan and then I had a slip. A three day slip that ended an hour ago. Basically it always goes like this...I put down the drink and the drugs, and I pick up another behavior. Sometimes it's something that's productive, like painting or working out....But many times I find other things that can be a little very destructive done in excess, such as overeating or spending money or getting into unhealthy relationships.
I'm really trying to focus on my prayer life. My relationship with my higher power is still forming and I don't have a clear conception of my higher power, but I know that when I pray there are positive results. Maybe it's just the act of saying the prayer that sets something into motion. Today, this morning, I began a prayer journal. I'm going to make sure that I pray both in the morning and at night, and I'm going to keep track of what I'm praying so that I'm more aware when my prayers are answered and so that I can see how God is answering my prayers.
Maybe I need to ask for help letting go of my eating disorder and maybe I should pray for the willingness to do the right thing moment by moment. I know I'm willing to go to any length for my addiction, but I'm not sure if I have that same willingness with my eating disorder. That's what I'll pray for tonight.