I have had every color hair imaginable, partly due to the fact that I am not a beautician and left to my own devices managed to come up with orange, yellow, green, and one time a really bad shade of purple kool-aid.
I have also been known to pick up a pair of scissors and merge a Pat Benatar into Bangs, and the Bangs into a Bob.
All of this boils down to the fact that I have walked into more hairdressers with a hat on my head and tears in my eyes begging them to undo whatever god awfulness I had done.
I know it may seem silly, but in all honestly it’s pretty serious.
Serious meaning that every time I dye, cut, highlight, or straighten, it’s because I am going through something..
It could be anxiety, boredom, a breakup or a fight, but quite honestly I think your hair is a direct link to your identity or lack of.
Case in point,take my best friend Amanda. Now the first time I met her, mind you, her hair was gorgeous thick and down to her ass. She was obsessed with her split ends and would spend hours upon hours looking at every strand for them.
Well she started to model and her agent told her one day that she was going to have to cut it all off for a particular shoot. When I say all off..I mean…”all off”! After it was done, she looked Amaze Balls, but she got seriously depressed as well. The loss of her hair felt more like a loss of a body part.
She really struggled with it for the whole year it took to grow back.
To this day she has that long hair, still looks for split ends, but is happy.
Her hair makes her feel sexy, confident, and beautiful….
Cutting your hair can completely change who you are. I call it hair graffiti.
Who can forget the time Britney Spears just sat down and in 2 minutes had completely shaved off all her locks.
She was in a funk at that time, and picking up those shears made it official.
When I first started to starve myself, I noticed I would go into the shower, and clumps of my hair would be circling the drain. I would run my fingers through it and strands would just detach. My brush looked like a Chia pet after I used it.
It was horrible, and I felt like my beauty, my confidence, and my self-esteem fell out with each and every follicle.
At my lowest weight is when it basically resembled straw, and I had to resort to cutting almost all of it off.
This is sad to say but I remember seeing the movie “Lord of the Rings”, and seeing the creature Golum. I secretly felt sick to my stomach, as I knew I looked like his twin,
Having all my hair fall out was just one of the pitfalls of this disease, but it sure was one of the worse.
That’s when you know you are deep in the hole, when you look in the mirror and go “what the fuck have I done to myself?”
When I started to gain weight, my hair grew back, and since I was feeding my body nutrition, it came back healthy.
That was one of the assets to re-feeding is that you kind of get to watch your body grow back, you get to see it regenerate and renew.
However just because it grew back, I still didn’t know who I was.
As sick as it was, my identity was that bald girl who is badly in need of a burger.
Perhaps that’s why I , and a countless number of people going through recovery change their hair so much.
My friend Katrina went as far as to completely shave it in treatment and then grow it back into a Mohawk! Stamp an identity on that!
My friend Lola changed her hair color every other day when she was in treatment, it was like 31 flavors in the house, her head was literally “Baskin Robbins”
It may seem ridiculous, but if you break it down, that little bottle of dye, or all that hair on the ground that used to be on some sick girls head usually symbolizes shedding of emotional angst, searching for who one is, or a lot of time just setting yourself free.
I love my hair now, and quite honestly still change it all the time, but usually that means I am facing some exciting challenges at work, dating a new guy, or maybe just always wanting to mix it up, because after all variety is the spice of life.
It’s short, it’s sassy, it’s blonde..it’s me. Yep if you wanna know who I am, just look at my hair!
HAIR-LADY GAGA(official video)
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