I met with my sponsor today. How does that work-that sitting with your sponsor in her Dodge minivan and reading the first 14 pages of Bill's Story can lead to a complete change in perspective? Well it does. And it almost always has a positive effect.
I went to a meeting this morning-a meditation meeting. I was dragging my butt. I just didn't want to go but I knew that going would make me feel better, both physically and emotionally. So I got myself together and went to the meeting. I had been up late last night watching The Fighter with two of my friends, so it wasn't easy. But going to the meeting was helpful and, when it ended, I came home where I messed around on the computer for a while. Eventually I was overcome by tiredness and had to take a nap.
When I woke up it was almost time to go to my greeter's commitment in Bergenfield, and I didn't have time to get ready. I can tell I'm getting a little better because I didn't want to go and usually I don't go to meetings when I feel bad on the outside but I pushed myself to go anyway. I'm beginning to feel as if I don't have to look a certain way on the outside and I feel more comfortable with myself so even though I didn't have a chance to get ready for the meeting, I put on some clothes and went to greet. And it was a great meeting. I spoke to a newcomer and read with my sponsor after the meeting.
Something I read in Bill's Story stuck out to me for the first time, and I've read Bill's Story many times before. It says, "Thus I was convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough...There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me, and He came." I've prayed many times for God to help me through situations or to be by my side as I've gone through a difficult situation, and when I've prayed to God humbly and honestly, God has always been there. But there have been other times when I was directing the show, and just out of habit I'd think to myself, "I should pray. It's the right thing to do." These prayers would be done with my mind half there and half somewhere else and I never really saw real answers to these prayers. Probably because I never wholeheartedly said the prayers.
My sponsor wants me to pray tonight and imagine handing God my family, my career, my apartment. Give Him these things to handle because I can't do it on my own. I'm going to take some time and really meditate on this and do it honestly and humbly with the hopes that, through taking some action, my prayers will be answered by God.