Today I immersed myself in recovery. And I can see that I am changing. When my head gets loud, I call my sponsor and she always tells me to do the same thing. "Call three alcoholic women, pray, and get into service". And I usually do what she says and sometimes everything seems to fall into place by mistake. Often times I intend to exert my self will, but God has other plans and I find I have unintentionally followed my sponsor's direction anyway. But that's the way things work, and maybe sometimes, that's the way AA works I guess. When we don't expect it.
Today I was surrounded by women my age. A group of beautiful, sober women. And I felt I fit in. I felt confident. When my head began to tell me that I was not pretty enough or that they would not want to continue talking to me because of my current situation, I got out of my head and took some action. And I said to my head "Thanks for sharing, but I'm not listening to you today."