I’m standing in my bathroom getting ready for work this morning when all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my mouth, I look in the mirror and blood is trickling down my perfectly foundationed face. I suddenly feel something hard in my mouth and and realize that my right upper tooth has broken.
I don’t know which hurts more, my mouth or the pain in my gut. The same one that I have gotten several times before when I spit out enamel. That same feeling of shame, remorse, sadness, and guilt. As horrid as it sounds, I have gotten kind of used to this. I just pray every time it happens that it’s not going to be noticeable. Luckily, it was in the back and you can’t tell. I know however that it’s probably just a matter of time before the front ones start to self-destruct.
My best friend happens to be my dentist, and he’s doing the best he can to repair the damage that has been done. When I say damage I am talking about the aftermath of my 17 year struggle with Bulimia.
I never really thought about the price I would pay later on in my life, for my addiction.
I cannot say that I have any right to feel sorry for myself. I made this bed, and now I very much have to lie in it. I am honestly the only one to blame for my problems. I am the one who sacrificed my beautiful smile in order to be the skinniest girl in the world.
I used to have gorgeous teeth. My mother was very vigilant about good dental hygiene and my sisters and I were always going to the dentist growing up. I lucked out unlike my sister Katie who had to have head gears, retainers, rubber bands, and braces. I had a pretty decent mouth, I had to have a few baby teeth pulled and a couple permanents. I look back at pictures of when I was a teenager and it drives me crazy to see such a beautiful set of choppers. Well that smile is only in pictures now, because right now the inside of my mouth is a war zone.
I’m honestly pretty lucky. You can’t really tell unless you look deep inside. However I am very aware of what it looks like in there and it’s been a painful struggle of mine for the last three years.
People used to tell me all the time that if I continued to vomit I would ruin my teeth. I took what they said probably with as much seriousness as I did the other people who told me if I didn’t stop starving myself I would drop dead.
I thought if I brushed my teeth after a purge that I would be safe, but little did I know with every purge I was creating mayhem in my mouth.
It’s really hard for me to tell you all this right now, however I hope that perhaps somebody who is in the throws of Bulimia will read it and help themselves.
Honestly your biggest worry if you are Bulimic is that your electrolytes will get unbalanced, and you will have an instant heart attack.
How I managed to escape that I have no idea as several times my potassium levels got down to 1.3. A normal level is 4.0.
Lets just say I sat down several times with the Devil and had a cup of tea.
I first heard about Bulimia when I was in the 8th grade. We watched some special on it in Health Class, and I barely payed attention. I thought it was gross, and couldn’t imagine anybody purposely making themselves throw up.
Five years later my head was down the toilet throwing up anything and everything I consumed.
For seventeen years I threw up on average about 2-4 times a day. Lets do the math on that..give or take it’s about 1,2410-2,4820 purges.
Stomach acid is actually pretty lethal. It can actually eat threw metal. That acid also eats the back of your throat your esophagus, and last but but not least your pearly whites.
The problem and please People listen to me, is that you won’t see the damage right away. In fact you won’t see it for awhile. The decay starts up in the gums and slowly..very slowly creeps its way down.
I had stopped binging and purging when I started noticing little brown spots on my teeth. Pretty soon they got bigger and bigger, and I swear to you you would have thought I did crystal meth.
I also started having terrible abscesses which sent me to the ER twice.
Luckily I had some Dentists that I knew who out of the kindness of their hearts helped me out. My Insurance barely covered anything. One root canal alone can be in the thousands. Crowns and implants can go as high as Five.
I m trying my best now to undo the damage I did, but sometimes it’s too late. The only thing I can do is try to slowly rebuild.
I am facing two more root canals and Dental Surgery right now.
I used to have nightmares that my teeth were falling out. Well my nightmare has come true.
I m lucky enough that most of my teeth can be saved, and they have done wonders in the world of Cosmetic Denistry. I will get my smile again, but it won’t be my own.
If you are actively bulimic I urge you to go see a Dentist and let him evaluate any damage that has started. The sooner you can treat it the better.
Eating Disorders are no laughing matter, especially when you can hardly open your mouth to smile.
Learn from OK.
It’s not too late for you to open your mouth wide and
“SHOW ME YOUR TEETH!!”"
LADY GAGA-SHOW ME YOUR TEETH
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