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I get quite a lot of messages in a bottle a day. I call them that because they are those ”I feel like I am stranded on a deserted Island cries for help”. They are coming from a place of desperation and despair. I know all to well what it is like to send out smoke signals that you are still alive  but barely hanging on by a string, and that you need somebody to come get you out of hell.
Asking for help with an Eating Disorder is difficult, because it has so much control over you. It’s like trying to eat, you want to, but there is some kind of powerful force that is holding you back. You want to lift the fork and bring it to your mouth but your hands remain tied down.  Eating Disorders also can make a person very stubborn. We don’t want to pull over and ask for directions because we have convinced ourselves that even though we are going the wrong way, we are still right.
Your eating disorder shutters at the mere thought of it having to go away, so any thoughts you have of seeking help get thrown out immediately before they have a chance to even pursue the possibility.
It takes unbearable courage to push past what controls your every move. It takes gathering all of your hatred towards this thing, this evil entity that is trying to slowly kill you. It takes not being able to bear another day of exercising for hours upon hours a day. It takes exhaustion at the thought of going one more minute without putting a morsel of food in your mouth. It takes your stomach done with the heaving and the cramping, and your throat quite through with regurgitating everything that goes in your mouth.
Becoming very introspective is also what happens when you start to see your world crumbling down around you. Suddenly everybody you love is pushing you away and walking out the door. All you have in your pocket at this point is a box full of matches and you can’t seem to help but burn down every single bridge you try to cross.
What gets even more frustrating is the way we sometimes try to get people to notice that we are going to detonate at any moment is by acting out. You suddenly stop sending messages in a bottle and instead start throwing them directly at people’s heads. It’s threatening to hurt yourself in an attempt to get noticed. Basically it’s like shooting yourself in the foot, and when you shoot yourself in the foot, your the one who can’t run. Let me tell you from experience trying to get attention that way is not going to make things easier for you, and in a lot of cases put you in places you don’t want to be.
When I get messages from people reaching out, I know they are finally coming to terms with their disease, and calling it out for what it is.
This is the time I encourage you to pick up that phone, sit a family member or a close friend down and humbly ask for some help.
You would be surprised at how many people will come to your rescue if you ask for it. This isn’t playing a victim, this is playing a survivor.
I know that’s how I felt  when I decided I needed to change. It was that pinnacle moment in my life. I only had one bottle and one message left and I am so glad that Rader Programs were the ones that opened it up.
When you finally get yourself the help you need, I always would encourage you to look back at that point in your life where you realized you were on a sinking ship and if you didn’t get off of it you were going to drown.
Recovery is a wonderful process, and it’s possible if you really want it.
When you feel like turning back, just think of that moment you reached out for help, then put that in a bottle and never throw it back.

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