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Desperately searching for the way out of this forever. I am a 19 year old college student who can only handle food "sensibly" whenever I restrict my caloric intake and can control my weight from getting out of hand. I have a fear of gaining weight back.


(Continued) yet at the same,

(Continued) yet at the same, as I restrict I am occasionally prone to binge-eating (more in seasons, less in seasons, it comes and goes and sometimes depends on my life at the time)I'm to the point of where I'm so sick of having this problem that it makes me sick. It's the center of my life, and detroys me internally and my relationships and my life. It's not worth it. It's madness. All I want is to have a grip on it all, feel good about it all - just as good as I do when I'm restricting because that's the real right thing to be doing, and feel. Feel myself. Feel Life. Feel Others. Feel Everything. I'm sick of the binges. I'm sick of the outrages I have. I'm sick of myself - the selfishness and vanity in it all too.

Hi: You are describing the


You are describing the emotional devastation that occurs when someone (in this case yourself) is suffering from an eating disorder.

Eating disorders seriously impact the physical health of sufferers, but it is the emotional cost that is the hardest to bear. Eating disorders take over the life of those who have them. In addition to this, they leave the person feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and miserable. Yet it feels almost impossible to stop the destructive behavior...

I can hear how difficult this must be for you - however, I must encourage you to reach out for help to cope with this. You need professional help to stop the destructive eating patterns that are ruling your life and destroying your self-esteem. It is never too late, even if you have tried treatment in the past. You do not deserve to live with this kind of emotional pain.

There are many support groups, therapists, and treatment centres available to help you through this. You have taken an important first step by writing this question - please follow through now, and connect with a health professional to get treatment. True recovery will have you feeling so much better than restricting, and is well worth the effort!

Please take care.