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Is it right for me?


This may be long, so please

This may be long, so please bare with me, I'll try and be quick. Due to some issues I wont go into, at the age of 12 I use to binge eat, and I got to 13 stone ( 182lbs) at 5'5 that didn't make me very healthy, I had a bad relationship with food. I would get depressed and skip meals, lose maybe 7lbs and start to binge eat again. I was badly bullied, and was diagnosed with depression at 15. Skip forward till I turned 21, I was so unhappy with my appearance. I had gotten down to 163 lbs, but it didn't feel good enough. I started to restrict more and more, to anywhere between 300-1000 calories a day, and of course, would still battle binge eating for weeks at a time. My weight got to 125lbs which is were I am now at 22.
I exercise like crazy, and eat as little as possible, i've abused diet pills, and messed up my heart. But I am a healthy weight. does this class me as having a eating disorder?
I know though if I keep it up, I am going to make myself very ill. I want to lose weight, however, I don't want to do it this way anymore, I am failing college, I am losing my friends. I think of food and calories almost every moment of the day, I am a member of a pro ana website, which I know keeps messing with my mind set, I use to want to be 130lbs, then 125, and now I am setting unrealistic goals of 100 lbs. I want to try and stop this now, before it gets worse.
I have depression, and have been hospitalized on suicide risk. I want a life, I want to get better. I feel like this has been my whole life, and I don't want it to be the rest of it. so any help would be appreciated. sorry if this is the wrong thing to post, or wrong place, I'just desperate. sorry for the long post too

Dani....please don't

Dani....please don't apologize! It is good that you are reaching out for help. Please see a doctor first and make sure you are medically stable. What you have described can cause some damage if not interruped. I suggest that you also seek the advice of an ED specialist, to have an assessment, and determine if treatment is a viable option for you. Don't wait! Please do this as soon as possible!