A Necessary Struggle: The Story of My Fight Against Binge Eating, Part II
This three-part article was written exclusively for EatingDisordersOnline.com by kjs3957 on SupportGroups.com. She shares the story of how her struggle with binge eating began and what she has done to overcome the disorder.
Read Part I here.
I measured out everything I ate from breakfast to dinner. I did eat 1700 calories a day but it was the extremely controlling way that I went about doing it. I would eat the exact same things everyday in the exact same portions but I would still weigh it out and add it up. It was comforting for me to know exactly how many calories I was eating.
A Long Run
This is about the time when the binging began to get more frequent. I would have these designated days, usually Sunday, where I was “allowed” to eat whatever I wanted. In the beginning this just constituted larger portions of my usual healthy foods with maybe an extra bowl of cereal and yogurt, my favorite comfort food.
I never actually went out and bought junk food to binge on, it was still controlled. I did this routine every week for the next 4 years. Binge on Sunday and then compensate with a “long run” on Monday. Fast forward to when I was 29 and I injured my knee while running. I had to stop running in order for the knee to heal.
Breaking Out of the Cycle
I didn’t know what to do and I panicked big time. My controlled schedule and cycle that I had followed for years was suddenly gone. Instead of doing the appropriate thing of rest and rehab with some slight tweaking to my diet I refused to change my cycle. I ran when it hurt and ate like I had before. Like a child I stubbornly refused to act like an adult and be flexible.
I would get frustrated when a run was cut short or I couldn’t run at all and I would turn to food. I rebelled against myself and the house of cards I built tumbled. I started binging two days in a row without even getting dressed out of my pajamas, bathing or brushing my teeth the whole time. I just gave up and gave in. I gained 10 pounds almost immediately probably because my body needed it.
In Part III of this article, kjs3957 discusses how she finally came to realize she needed help and what coping mechanisms she uses to help her in recovery.