A Necessary Struggle: The Story of My Fight Against Binge Eating, Part III
This three-part article was written exclusively for EatingDisordersOnline.com by kjs3957 on SupportGroups.com. She shares the story of how her struggle with binge eating began and what she has done to overcome the disorder.
Like all things the knee healed and I resumed running again. I wanted and still want to lose the 15 pounds I now carry around as a constant reminder that not even running can save you from the toll of binge eating. I still struggle on a daily basis with the binge cycle that I created during that time two and a half years ago.
I am now 32 and a month ago I decided to finally seek counseling. My husband couldn’t help me anymore nor could he grasp why I am still struggling with food and this cycle. It’s a part of my brain that during the time when I had anorexia I feel I was building in waiting for the day when I would lose control and it would take over.
I have trouble stopping a binge and if I get that twitch or idea in my head about a binge it’s inevitable that it will happen that day. Sometimes I feel I have zero willpower anymore and sometimes I feel like I just don’t care anymore. Like, I am fine with what I have become. But then there are days where I will fight it so hard and use my support network and even some of my tools. I will take photos, color in a coloring book, play a game on the iPad, read or pick up the telephone and talk to someone.
Battling the Inner Critic
I try and I usually get successful results that lead to several binge free days in a row. I am new to this recovery thing and everyone is different. Some days nothing will work and some days it takes very little effort to be successful. One thing is certain, I can’t do it alone and I have to reach out to those people around me that love and care for me for the help I need.
Don’t try to “fix” yourself. Don’t wish it away because it won’t go anywhere and you’re just wasting time letting the eating disorder run your life. Ask for help from anyone and everyone because you aren’t alone in this struggle. You’d be surprised to find that the only person judging you harshly is you.