Living for the Day: The Story of Deazri's Struggle Against Bulimia and Anorexia, Part II
This two-part article was written exclusively for EatingDisordersOnline.com by Deazri on SupportGroups.com. In this article, she discusses how her struggle with bulimia began, the difficulties she has encountered and her attitude toward recovery.
Now to add a cherry on top of it all, I acquired an injury while birthing my child. After giving birth, I felt more trapped than ever before. I can't play with my son the way he deserves, and I feel like a failure. Our family needs money, and I can't work.
Feeling the Pressure
Somehow, as an adult I still felt like a failure. Now guess what I turn to cope? Bulimia and anorexia. I felt as though I shouldn't give up the one thing I'm good at, being bulimic and anorexic. I don't know who I am without my eating disorder and that scares me more than the pain I get in my chest after I purge.
When I wake up each morning, I aspire to be a lot - a good housewife, a role model for my son and an educated woman. But what is a girl to do when everything, literally everything, gets pulled out from under her?
An Untouchable, Beautiful Soul
I wish I could invite you all into a day of my life. Maybe together we could round up a solution to this condition, but that's unrealistic. However, I know that handing my life over to an eating disorder is also unrealistic. I want to believe in myself, in my own worth.
I want to believe that despite every beating I've ever endured, and every negative comment that's been fed to me, that I have an untouchable beautiful soul. So I will lay down with that hope tonight and try again tomorrow.