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Living with ED for 30 Years: Louise's Recovery Story, Part IV


This four-part article was written exclusively for by Louise J. Twardowski, a member of In this article, Louise discusses how her eating disorder evolved, how she struggled with alcohol and purging as an adult and how she finally found the help she needed.

Click here to read Part I.

I finally told my doctor. She said she knew something was up, but there was another problem, there were no specialized treatments in my area. My doctor left her practice and I had to find a new doctor. I can honestly say that this new doctor saved my life. Little by little I would tell him about my alcoholism, that I had relapsed etc. After getting back in the program, and reading my morning reflections, I then told him about my eating disorder.

Fitting In

He asked me if I wanted help and I hugged him. He and some other people had started a new group in my little town. I started my counseling a few months ago, and it saved my life. My life has been in turmoil lately, with a new job, moving, and finding out that my father is terminally ill. However, even with all this, I have not purged.

I met someone recently, who loves me unconditionally. He told me he doesn't care what size I am, as long as I am healthy. He loves me for who I am, not for my body. I am far from being out of the woods though. It is a constant battle, that I am learning to cope with everyday. This group has given me so much. In the past I joined other groups, but I never felt the same connection I do now. Before I never heard from anyone, and now I look forward to finding emails addressed to me, asking how I am doing.

Everyday is a Victory

Quitting alcohol was easy, you don't need to drink to survive. An eating disorder is a whole different ball game. I am learning how to catch the ball, and know when to let it go. I feel like a new person. I can not change what I did, but I sure can change who I am now, and give Ed some good medicine, and kick him out of my life.

You have to battle and stay strong. I am not saying everyday is easy. I have a lot of days when the urge to purge is there, but I have learned to control it. If I can do it, anyone who has lived with this, has to know, that with therapy, your doctor, and websites like, anything is possible. I hope my story, might reach one person and help him or her. I thank my Higher Power everyday for giving me another day, another chance to live.

Life is good,
Louise J. Twardowski