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my aunt is still losing weight and has a BMI of 17.4. my family thinks she should be able to do what she wants. I do not think she has the capacity to know what is happening. when does family step in? she thinks she looks great and cannot see a problem


Do we just let her die,

Do we just let her die, because she is an adult? My famuky says, "It is her choice." But I don't think it is a choice. She is deceived in her own mind and needs our help.
Should we step in or let her figure it out???

Her BMI puts her in the range

Her BMI puts her in the range of anorexia. As my doctor has explained it to me so many times, if you are not eating, your brain is starving and is not thinking clearly. Therefore, (and I need to stress I am not a clinician, just someone who has struggled with anorexia for several years), she can't see the problem because the lack of food doesn't allow her to see there is any problem.

Of course she thinks she looks great! Her image is very distorted at this time. She needs the help of a skilled eating disorder specialist.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.


Because your aunt is an

Because your aunt is an adult, what you can do is limited unless she agrees to get help. It is true that b/c her brain is literally 'starved', she is not capable of making an objective decision in her own best interest.
There are ways to intervene, with a doctor's help, most probably a psychiatrist. If she can be declared 'mentally incompetent' (even temporarily), a judge can grant 'guardianship' to a member or members of the family, and she can be forced to go into treatment. Some may say this is not a good route, but when you are talking about a person's life, it's worth it. I have seen several cases of this happening, where the person does get help, and when they are at point where they are thinking rationally again, they are very thankful that their loved ones took that option to save them. Good luck...I'm always happy to help!

No, it wouldn't be hard to

No, it wouldn't be hard to get her some help... Although she is an adult, she is on County Assistance called IHSS.. (In Home Supportive Services) because she is disabled.. All I have to do is contact her social worker and she has the ability to get intervention for her.. The problem here is battling my family... They know if IHSS has to step in, my sunt sould lose her housing if she is hospitalized for any length of time... But I say, "Who cares, when her life is at risk?" Family thinks she has a mind of her own and should be able to make decision of what she eats or doesn't eat... I say she doesn't have the ability to make a good decision... and needs intervention... So it is a family dispute.. They do not like government intervention into private lives and I think she is not in her right mind.. I will wait until she hits 110 pounds and then I will just take matters into my own hands.. She is 5'8". She is 113 right now and losing. Looks awful.. I was just trying to get some assurance that I am doing the right thin. Thanks for your comment.

poy, This is not at all the

This is not at all the same as not allowing your aunt to make her own decisions. You are exactly right..she is unable to choose what is best for herself at this point. This doesn't mean an Government intervention, it can be private. This is about saving her life, not allowing her the freedom of choice, which could likely mean death in her case. Please write anytime. I am happy to help. You are doing the right thing!! Take care!

poy i too am an adult i had

i too am an adult i had an ed anorexia in my 30's now i am 53 & it has returned . alot of life changes for me maybe why ? i really donot know ? i did go into therapy but it was when my ex husband signed me into the hospital as i wouldnot that i got help . & a feeding tube as i was down to 84 & it is possible as an adult for you to get help for her . so very much . i am down to 94 now & my weight was 115 till this has all happened in about 3 months for me again. i hope you find help for her it can be done even though she is an adult . & it cost me my marrige & my family never did understand nor do they now . god bless

My aunt was obses, weighing

My aunt was obses, weighing more than 500 pounds at one time. She had gastric by-pass over 20 years ago. She lost down to normal weight as she could only eat 1/2 a cup at a time. All these years she has maintained her weight until this past two years and she has slowly been losing... eating less and less.. She talks a lot about being thinner than this one or that one, or how someone said they think she looks so "Tiny and cute"... She doesn't. She is 5'8", and looks like a bean stalk. She looks gaunt. We started paying attention to her weight, and realized how thin she was.. Skin and bones. Normal people don't understand eating disorders as a normal person does not struggle with eating issues. So tell me what we can say to her that will get her attention? How can we help her? What helped you?
What approach would you like to be taken with you? At least you understand you have a problem and you understand that it is a problem that can kill you. I don't think she thinks she has a problem or is in danger at all. Any suggestions?

poy until your dear aunt can

poy until your dear aunt can admit that she has a problem she will as i am not a profeesional countinue i feel from my past history . with ed as i learned from my ed therpist sometimes it is from a loss trauma in your life . for me i did not get help until i passed out at work & was at 84 in the hospital with ivs feeding tubes & my heart .i am 94 today from 115. IN JUST 3 MONTHS SO I KNOW I AM THERE AGAIN . i weigh every day which i am sure your aunt does too. & with each pound lost you feel like a high if that makes sence ? then my ex husband stepped in i was ANGRY as i am sure your aunt will be but please try not to wait till she is 110 is possible ? and i am sure that you can get help with the house too. but only then did i realize i had a problem . for me i too had to go on disablity now from my heart problems my anorexia casued so for me i have lost my nursing i loved & feel no control in my life maybe that is why this relaspe ? has your aunt had a loss a trauma recently ? maybe i feel but i am not a professional that she is afraid too after the surgery & weight loss for the 1st time in her life ! she is not slim but she is too thin she is. for me i do need therapy again but i just can not do it now ? why i love it when ones say i am so thin even though i know deep down i am playing with fire ! but i will it took me 8 YEARS to recover & now here i am . i did learn that relapses are common from my therapy & a day program too. too maybe if she will watch videos on ed on you tube with you she might see she has a problem . ed is not a friend it kills ! & i want out of my old habits it is just so hard to go back to therapy now . my family says i am too thin & i love it . this disease BRAINWASHES YOUR MIND & i too am on disablity now due to my heart & it was hard leaving my work . so my plans are when i feel i can is to try to get help again but for now i just can not it is the only thing i feel i have control with in my life . so please as i do know yes ! do not push her to eat that will push her away further ! as i know & learned in my day program & i am sure she says she has already eaten or is just not hungry now whem you see her too. i am here for you if you want to write ? i hope this has helped a little ? god bless

But do you understand that

But do you understand that when your family says: "You are too thin." They mean you look awful? And saying "you are too thin" is just a nicer way of putting it? I finally told my aunt, "You look gross.. like a concentration camp survivor." She said. "You really think so?" Was she taking that as a compliment too? I told her, "Yes.. You look like hell... and no guy would ever look at you." She likes guys, and is single.. But she just stood there blinking. She has had no traumatic loss that I know of.. The gastric by-pass surgery was over 20 years ago...and although she had surgery to remove the hanging leftover skin, because she has lost so much weight now, she is hanging and sagging again.. No man would look at that? Men want grown women... Not someone who is starved to the point of looking like a little girl, with no hips or breasts! And if they do, chances are they are pedephiles. Take back your life Honey.. Get yourself some therapy starting tomorrow... Have some real control in your life and don't let this disease rule and run your life.. Maybe as you get therapy, you can share with me some suggestions from the therapist and I can help my aunt with them.. You could help save her life and yours! You have so much knowledge on this issue, think of all the good you could do for others to help them recover as well as keep yourself in recovery.. Then you'll have real power and control in your life... And a chance for happiness. Help yourself! Help us?

hi poy yes i am sure that she

hi poy yes i am sure that she possibly looks as a concentrate victim from what you have shared here & yes i do feel that she maybe does take it as a compliment as aweful as it sounds ! & with out any loss or trauma in her life of recently as for me . losing my work & divorce to a man i was married to for 22 years & still love too & i feel is maybe why for me ? & going on disablity so such an adjustment for me so very much .& you are so right about men not wanting a woman that is bone this & when you ribs show ect. that is part of why i loss my marriage . he said he was not going to sit back & watch me die saying that he did not want to learn abbout ed ! & got so very tired of my hospital stays too many to say . i will get therapy soon i feel but right now i feel so empty inside & depressed too &to share with an ed therapist . i have to see my cardiologist on tuesday & i know he will be disgusted with me & do tests when he sees my weight too . i know he will too push for more therapy for me & i will & will share with you too . i really appreciate what you said about my knowleged of ed . i guess it is because i have been here before & i did go to an outpatient program too if i had not said . if your aunt would admit she is having a problem as i said then & only then will she allow you to get her to go see a dr & get help . she needs a good physical to see just how it has already affected her health before it is too late ! it is too late when you start having eletrolye imbalences dehydration ect as i did . so please try to talk to her more but not in a pushy way ! as i said it will just push her away more . talk soon god bless you & your aunt in her battle .

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